Love Me Deeper Read online

  I roll my eyes, scoffing. “You’re delusional.”

  “Un-huh.” She winks, turning around and going off somewhere. I finish my coffee and move closer to the breakfast table, picking up a bunch of grapes.

  Then a few pieces of cantaloupe.

  Then half of a croissant.

  I’m considering a scone and wondering how much food I can stuff down my throat before I get the balls to speak to Asher, when he makes the choice for me.

  “Nova? Is that you?” I’m chalking up my shiver to the fact that I haven’t heard his voice in a long time.

  Platonic shivering is a thing.

  And if it’s not, well…it’s going to be a thing today.

  I turn, swallowing down flaky pastry and meeting his curious grey eyes.

  “Asher, long time no see.”

  “Hell yeah.” Before I know what’s happening, he has me wrapped up in a warm, fierce hug that has my feet dangling off the ground and air leaving my lungs. When he pulls away and sets me down, I’m a little breathless and a lot flustered. “Where the hell have you been?”

  “Living,” I hedge. “Around.”

  “I’ve invited you to games, holidays, parties—and your answer is living? Around?” His normally cheery voice is laced with annoyance now and I completely deserve it. I’ve been a shitty best friend. When we graduated and dissolved things, I got the hell on and didn’t look back.

  Mainly because if I didn’t run away, I was scared I would try to run towards him. Neither of us needed a real marriage tying us down any longer than necessary. He didn’t need that, not when he’d sacrificed so much helping me in the first place.

  “I…”

  “Our marriage might’ve been just for your parents, but you were still my best friend and I thought I was yours too. You just left so easily.” He crosses large arms, hurt seeping through the annoyance. I feel like the shit on the bottom of someone’s shoe right about now. Asher is the most caring person I’ve ever known and I handled the situation terribly.

  “I didn’t think you’d be bothered too much,” I say weakly, looking away from him. It’s flimsy, but I didn’t really. “Big things were happening for you, I didn’t think you’d even have time to worry about me.”

  “Well I was. I am. And the only way you can make it up to me is if you get your ass back into my life.” He lifts his chin, eyes stern before they soften on the end of his sentence.

  “I might be able to do that.” I put out a hand. “Truce?”

  He stares at it for a second before uncrossing his arms, using my outstretched hand to pull me into another hug and pressing a smacking kiss to the top of my head.

  He’s so damn forgiving all the time. I’ve never met anyone else as genuine and open as he’s always been.

  “Truce. Do you work for ESPN?” His brow furrows. “It’s crazy that you’re here today of all days.”

  It’s my turn to be surprised.

  “You don’t know?”

  “Know…?” He trails off.

  “I’m your photographer,” I say slowly. He nods his head in understanding, even though he looks bewildered.

  “Well shit, that’s not what I was expecting you to say.”

  “Riley didn’t mention it?”

  At her name, he scowls.

  “Riley only talks to me when Riley decides I need to know something.”

  “Sorry, is this okay? I mean, if it’s weird or something…”

  “Nova, shut up. I’m happy to see you and I know what a great photographer you are.” He gets a mischievous look on his face, staring down at me in a way that makes me want to squeeze my thighs together. Clearly, I need to get laid. “Is it going to be weird for you? I’d hate for you to dream about me or anything.”

  “I’ve seen your body and many others way too many times to count. It’s nothing new, trust me.” The words are nonchalant, and I think if I say them enough, I can make myself believe them. I have no doubt that Asher’s body is even better than it used to be, and I know damned well that I won’t be able to unsee it when today is over.

  “Well excuse me.” He slings an arm around my shoulder and walks with me over to the equipment and the staging area. “Time to show me what you’re working with, then.”

  It’s going to be a long, long day.

  3

  Asher

  I’ve always dampened my reactions around Nova, because as much as she tries to pretend that shit doesn’t bother her, I know she’s more sensitive than she lets on.

  I’ve felt a cluster-fuck of things since the moment I laid eyes on her for the first time since graduation.

  Anger. Happiness. Relief. Hurt. More anger.

  We had each other’s backs for years, then all of a sudden, she was gone. I wanted to respect her wishes, so I didn’t push it except for sending her invites over the years if I had her information. I thought she’d eventually accept when she was ready, or reach out.

  Three years isn’t that much time in the grand scheme, but it’s felt like a whole lifetime.

  Seeing her today…damn, it was like that feeling when you’re finally back at your place after traveling for a long time. Or when you have that one restaurant back home that you love but rarely get to visit. That excitement and familiarity that you feel when you sit down.

  That’s what Nova is for me. Always has been.

  I watch her leaning over the computer with an assistant, her dark hair pulled back in a ponytail. The lightly curled ends of her hair trail over a strong shoulder as she points at something on the screen, and I pull sweatpants on, distracted.

  It’s still crazy to me that she’s here, and I guess my eyes are trying to make up for lost time.

  “I’d like my thanks in the form of a bonus.” Riley’s smug voice comes from behind me and I face her, pulling a t-shirt over my head.

  “What am I thanking you for now?” I rub at a small spot of bronzer that I didn’t get off my arm. They don’t use a shit-ton, but they use a little to add shadow and make sure muscles and veins pop under the lighting.

  “You never appreciate my hard work.” She gives an exaggerated sigh, crossing her arms and lifting her chin towards Nova. “I suggested her to Calla. Her talent did the rest, though.”

  “Why did you do that?” I scowl. I thought it was just…a happy coincidence. Part of me is grateful, and another part is worried that maybe Nova really didn’t want to see me but today forced that.

  “I don’t know, maybe because I’m sick of watching you write out a birthday card every year then never send it,” she throws back. “Just because you never told her you loved her doesn’t mean it isn’t true.”

  “That’s ridiculous, I told Nova I loved her all the time. We told each other.” I ignore the birthday card comment. It always felt like a step too far. Invitations and stuff were safer.

  “Yeah, but not the way you really love her. The way you’re in love with her.”

  “Really, Riley? You’re still on that? Let it go,” I mumble, picking up my phone and unlocking it, intending to ignore my nosy friend. That is, until she snatches it out of my hands with a growl that surprises me into staring at her.

  “I swear to hell and high heaven that if you don’t stop being a chicken and admit your real feelings to that great woman who is just as stubborn as you, I’m quitting.”

  My jaw drops. “You wouldn’t quit. You love the kids, and the foundation.”

  “I love you, and her, and I watched you orbit each other all through college pretending like it wasn’t more. I mean, I feel like this is my relationship y’all are fucking up.” She presses a sharp red nail to my chest, determination in her eyes. “Ask her out, stalk her, do something real for once. But don’t just let this opportunity slip away or I’m leaving you to fend for yourself.”

  “You’re being a little extreme.” I narrow my eyes, and we have a stare down until I realize that Riley has zero intention of backing down.

  She would really quit over this. It’s right t
here in her eyes. The last time she looked this serious, she was holding a flame over her asshole ex’s clothes and I was trying to convince her to put it down.

  She lit everything up.

  Then she called friends over to roast s’mores and hot dogs on it. By the time Brian got home from his “business trip”, all that was left were ashes and a note from her telling him that if her test results didn’t come back clean, he’d have to worry about way more than his clothes.

  So yeah, I know this look, and I know it means business.

  “What’s it gonna be, jock?”

  I grimace, running a hand through my hair.

  “Riley, you’re not just asking for something easy.”

  “I know, but I’m asking for something that I know will make the both of you happy, so just try. Riley knows best.”

  I roll my eyes, grunting. Instead of responding, I turn towards where I know Nova is and take her in.

  She’s always been stunning to me, and that hasn’t changed. Broad-shouldered with slim curves, amazing smile, and kind eyes. She used to always joke about her “little booty”. She’s got those dips in her hips that she used to bemoan. It’s not little at all, just perkier than it is wide. I remember enough torturous beach days to know that for a fact.

  There were times back then where I caught her looking at me, and I wanted to ask if maybe…maybe we could give things a real shot.

  But those moments always went away, and I thought I’d just imagined them because I wanted it to be a possibility.

  “Why aren’t you telling her these things?” I mutter.

  “Because once upon a time, she told me.” Riley pats me on the chest gently before she walks away, and I don’t have a chance to question her on what exactly she means.

  I look back at Nova and catch her gaze. She holds mine for a second, long lashes shuttering her whiskey brown eyes when Calla grabs her attention and she looks away.

  Okay.

  I’m going to do it.

  4

  Nova

  “Did we ever get a copy of the final divorce papers?” he asks. “I was thinking about that earlier.”

  “Maybe? I don’t know, I probably shoved them in with all the school papers when we were packing.”

  “Our divorce party was pretty fun though, even if you spent the end part of the night throwing up in the bushes.” A familiar grin grows on his face.

  “I’ll never drink that much again in my life.” Even the memory of it makes me shudder. Jungle juice just sneaks up on you, and the next thing you know, you’re wondering how you fell so far.

  “So, what have you been up to other than winning MVP awards?” I spear a piece of salmon with my fork, watching it flake off the moist filet before I pop it into my mouth.

  Asher shrugs, lips curving up. “That’s pretty much it. There’s the football camp I started with a few guys, so I do that in the off-season and I’m there as much as I can be.”

  “I avoided looking you up or knowing too much about how you were doing,” I admit, staring hard at the water pitcher on the table.

  “I don’t really understand why, though. Did I do something wrong and you didn’t want to tell me?” Trepidation clouds his features and I close my eyes.

  I’m a terrible person.

  “You…I…” I blow out a breath, not sure what to say.

  I had fallen in love with you and I knew that you didn’t feel the same way and I didn’t want to make our friendship awkward because you were always so selfless and I didn’t want you to date me just so you didn’t hurt my feelings because you’ve always been too good to me.

  “I just needed the space, and I wanted you to worry about football and not about me. And actually have a dating life.”

  “I liked worrying about you. Did it feel like I thought you were a burden?”

  “No!” I protest. “You never made me feel like that at all.”

  “Well, why did you think that?” he presses. “I never did anything I didn’t want to do. And I liked not needing an excuse to not drink all night or hook up with groupies and shit. I had football, school, and an on paper marriage to my best friend. That’s all I needed.”

  “You realize how crazy that sounds? College guys are supposed to enjoy being young and free, especially athletes. I would’ve been fine with people thinking we had an open relationship, or hell, even you cheating on me.”

  He rolls his eyes, taking a long pull from his hard cider. He was never really a beer fan.

  “I can’t believe you ever let those words pass your lips. It wasn’t the end of the world. Contrary to popular belief, sex isn’t necessary for a guy to live.”

  “Would’ve saved you a lot of long showers though,” I tease, watching the red flush creep up his skin.

  “Whatever,” he mumbles. “Bottom line is, try not to make decisions about what you think I need without asking me this time around.” He raises a brow.

  “Aye aye captain.” I finish my beer and turn the bottle around on the table. “I just wanted you to be able to start your pro career without…without me, I guess. Just a clean slate.”

  “Want me to let you in on a secret?” He leans on the table and I skip my eyes away from his muscled forearms. Always had a weakness for nice forearms. Particularly his.

  “What?”

  “It would’ve been even better if I had my best friend to share it with.” His voice is low, and the sincerity in it almost makes tears spring to my eyes.

  “I deserted you for three years and you’re still so damn kind.” I clear my throat, taking a deep breath. “How the hell are you so damn nice all the time?”

  “I mean, I’m not nice all the time. I like to steal candy from babies in my free time.”

  “I don’t think you’ve ever raised your voice at me. Not once.” My voice is almost accusatory. “Can you berate me or something? You being so forgiving just makes me feel even worse. Be mad at me for once.”

  “You think I’ve never been mad at you?” He frowns. “I’ve been mad at you plenty of times.”

  “Maybe, but you never showed it.”

  “I’m pretty confused at where this is going. You want me to yell at you or something? What would that solve?”

  “I don’t know. Maybe nothing. Maybe I’m not even making sense right now.” I sigh. “It just…I assumed that stuff because there’s just no way that anyone in their right mind would be as easygoing as you seemed all the time.”

  “I wish I was inside your head so I could follow your ridiculous thought process.” He scowls, and it makes me laugh. “You’re a mad woman.”

  “See? Talk to me like that more. Tell me how you really feel.” I grin, because it is something a little different from him. It feels a lot more authentic.

  He quiets, pursing his lips and staring at me. He stares at me so long with those intelligent grey eyes that it makes me fidget.

  “What?”

  “So you don’t want me to worry about your feelings?”

  “Is that what you’ve done?” My smile fades. “And here I was thinking that we had pretty solid communication.”

  “Okay, let’s make a pact right here and now,” he says seriously. “From now on, we don’t worry about anything but being completely real with each other. On everything, even if we think the other might not like it.”

  I’m amending the pact in my head to everything within reason.

  “So this is a good time to tell you that I hope you dropped your terrible habit of drinking straight from the carton?”

  “You said you were okay with that.”

  “I lied.”

  “Well, I’m glad you got that off your chest,” he deadpans.

  “Have you dated anyone? Are you dating anyone?”

  He hesitates. “Not right now. Football and the camp is pretty much all I have time for.”

  “What a crock of shit, there are plenty of pro football players with girlfriends and families, hell, multiples of both.”

  “You�
��re a know-it-all today, huh.”

  “I think I know someone you’d get along really well with. Let me set you up on a date.”

  The silence is deafening.

  I don’t know why I say the words. They kind of fly out before I can filter them through good sense.

  Maybe it’s because I want to prove that Riley doesn’t know what she’s talking about.

  Maybe I want to give him something this time and add to his life instead of him always making mine better.

  The girl I have in mind is smart and cool, and she likes football. Not to mention she’s gorgeous. She’s perfect for him.

  “You want to set me up with someone?” His face is completely clear and he’s managed to remove all inflection from his voice, so I can’t tell if he’s curious or irritated. He’s way too good at that.

  “Yep, and you’ll realize that it’s okay to have a life outside of football and I can be your best woman at the wedding.” I don’t examine why the quick mental image of watching him marry someone else sends a flash of nausea through me.

  Maybe the salmon was bad. Coincidental timing.

  He gives me that assessing gaze again.

  “If that’s what you want to do,” he finally says quietly, and I glance up from the leftover rice I’d started pushing around with my fork.

  “You sure? You don’t exactly sound excited.” A small part of me wants him to decline the offer. Say that he just doesn’t want to right now. Say that he’d rather us just get back into each other’s lives and worry about the rest later.

  The waitress comes over and he hands over his card with a warning look at me not to protest. Grabbing our stuff and leaving a tip when she comes back, we go outside and he walks me to my car.

  “Can’t wait to meet her.” He answers my question from before, staring down at me. The parking lot lamp throws light against him and he looks almost out of this world with his dark hair tousled and his strong jaw in partial profile.

  I nod, shifting on my feet. “Okay well, I’ll give her your number and stuff. Well, after you give it to me, that is.” He takes my phone silently and puts in his details. His phone dings in his pocket from where he must’ve sent himself a text from my phone.